DTF Athlete of the Month

Guess what is making an appearance a month after the last time you saw it? No, I'm not talking about the reason you get penicillin from your pharmacist (what happens in Cancun doesn't really stay in Cancun), I'm talking about the DTF Athlete of the Month Award! For those of you unsure why this award is handed out, check out this post for a brief description of the award and our first winner.

Wow. So many people to choose from this month.  Our eventual winner laid claim to this honor in early September, but several worthy challengers emerged during the month. I'll start out with the honorable mention before I give our winner the attention that he deserves.

2nd Runner-up
Karen F. Owen

I already know what you're going to say, "she's not an athlete" and "she shouldn't have her sex life examined in this forum". To which I reply, "Erroneous! Erroneous on both counts!" Owen's fake Duke senior thesis on "horizontal academics" demonstrates her willingness to take hook-ups from the casual to the absurd; in many ways, her profound commitment to jersey chasing is turning the endeavor into a sport. Now, I don't want to turn this site into a gossip rag (I do want to hold on to some kind of "journalistic integrity"), but I had to find out what Karen Owen looks like (that matters, doesn't it? I'm not a sexist pig for wondering what she looks like, right? Moving on). I was able to track down this picture; Ms. Owen is the brunette on the left (please don't keep all the jokes about the blonde on the right to yourself. I wanna hear them!)  I salute you Karen F. Owen (wonder what the "F." stands for...). Hopefully reports that you'll get a book or movie deal  are accurate because you are not really that employable right now.

1st Runner-up
Carlos Salcido

Salcido, a Mexican international and defender for Fulham in the English Premier League, is fighting allegations that he hooked up with a transvestite in a now infamous Mexican team party that resulted in the suspension of 13 players on the Mexican national team (I would want to party with team Mexico but Jose Cuervo and transvestites is not part of my usual recipe for a good night out). All but one of the suspended players were featured in Mexico's 2010 World Cup roster. Salcido's lady male lady-male friend claims that she pleasured him in a hotel bathroom (always classy) and alerted him a couple days after the encounter about her his her-his sexual identity. There's a picture of the transvestite in the first link. Was Salcido fooled or does he have the worst beer goggles of all-time?

Salcido, however, was not the most DTF player in the EPL this month. That honor goes to England international and Manchester United forward Wayne "Shrek" Rooney.



Rooney is the subject of recent tabloid fodder (what was that I said about not turning this site into a gossip rag...) ever since the revelations of his 1200 pounds a night fling with a prostitute was publicized (Rooney is currently married).This is not the first time Rooney has taken a prostitute to bed. When he was 19 (and unmarried) he admitted to hooking up with a 48 year-old grandmother nicknamed "Auld Slapper" at the relatively inexpensive rate of 45 pounds a night (they practiced division together and figured out that 19 can go into 48 many more times than 48 can go into 19).

In a perfect world, "Shrek's" current personal life should have replaced the alternative ending to Nike's "Just Roo It" commercial. Instead of seeing himself become an overweight groundskeeper as a result of losing the World Cup, Nike should have made the alternate ending for Rooney a future of his life examined by the tabloids and a seat on the Manchester bench because his club manager is too afraid to play him (this is currently the state of affairs for Rooney). Maybe then Rooney might have had a better World Cup showing (0 goals in 4 matches).

Rooney started out brutally unapologetic, like everyone's favorite Aussie party boy, but has since tried to clean things up with his wife and her family, even planning a "second honeymoon" with the Mrs. in a few weekends (Are you taking notes Tiger?). Congratulations to Wayne Rooney, our DTF Athlete of the Month for September!