Dear Diary: Brett Favre Edition

Here at Gimme Some Onions! we're always looking for ways to distinguish the blog and decided to try our hand at this whole "investigative journalism" thing. Investigative journalism wasn't for us, but that doesn't mean that the fruits of that kind of labor aren't. We bring you Brett Favre's in-game diary from last weekend when the Minnesota Vikings played the Miami Dolphins on the road.

12:42 PM: (In the locker room)
"Why am I here? Oh yeah, my consecutive starting streak. I wonder why more people don't call me out for being a selfish prick when I insist on starting injured. When's the last time you showed up to work sick and outperformed everyone else in the office?"
1:08 PM: (On the field during pre-game)
"I just wanna shoot Wrangler's commercials and collect paychecks. Ever notice how in later editions of this commercial, my yellow shirt doesn't have a green 4 on it? Yeah, suck it Packers, I told them to do that"
1:17 PM: (After a 15-yard gain from Adrian Peterson in the Wild Cat formation)
"I could play WR, this shit is easy..."
1:44 PM: (After 1st interception of the game)
"Gotta remember to thank Dr. James Andrews for helping me out with shoulder and ankle surgery these past two years. God knows I wouldn't have been able to extort money from the Jets and Vikings without him"
2:25 PM: (Following a sack and a fumble for a turnover)
"Do I have the all-time sack and fumble record too?"
2:43 PM: (After 2nd interception of the game)
"I KNOW I have the all-interception record. My cowboy/gunslinger label in the media lets me play interceptions off as looking for a play when really, I'm a reckless me-first player that doesn't care where I put the ball"
2:52 PM: (Halftime)
"What do I have to do to get on that top 10 most disliked athletes list? And why are there only black guys in the top 6, is this some sort of weird affirmative action thing? I'm coming for Kobe's spot..."
3:06 PM After a 13 play drive (11 runs, 2 passes for a total of 10 yards)
"I'm playing like Betty White out there, I need a snickers"
3:33 PM: (After 3rd interception of the game)
"I wonder if I can get a cell phone camera down here so I can send pictures of my junk to Jenn. LOL :-)"
4:23 PM: (After an incompletion on 4th and 6)
"That was my 63rd pass of the season, that works out to (does math in head)...$25,400 a pass attempt"
4:32 PM: (End of Game)
"Shout out to Brad Childress and Minnesota Owner Zygi Wilf for giving me a 1-yr/$16 million contract. The idea that I would duplicate last year's 33 TD/7 INT/107.2 Passer Rating (career low in INTs/career high in Rating) as a 40 year-old quarterback is more ridiculous than Hugh Grant thinking that Divine Brown is a tennnnnn..."




(By the way, Minnesota lost 14 to 10; Favre's line for the game: 22/36, 225 yards, 0 TD/3 INT, 1 fumble lost, 44.3 Passer Rating)