League Championship Preview

We have our first contributing post here at Gimme Some Onions! An appetizing preview of the National League and American League Championship Series was written up by our favorite resident USC homer. After a 162 game season, Major League Baseball is finally playing some games that matter. Check out this article and know who to follow:

New York Yankees vs. Texas Rangers

Both teams come into the series with question marks in their pitching staff. The Yanks are led by CC and then have Phil Hughes, Andy Pettitte, and AJ Burnett. Not the murderers row of pitchers they have had in previous years but similar to the one that worked to win the World Series last year. The Rangers counter using CJ Wilson, Colby Lewis, Cliff Lee, and Tommy Hunter. Lee is the obvious anchor in this young staff. Using Lee for Game 5 against the Rays sets him back to start Game 3. The Rangers pitching do not go far into the games and eat into the bullpen too much. While the Yankee pitching has been inconsistent throughout the year, the Rangers’ staff has a lower ERA but lacks experience in the postseason. The postseason changes players and the Yankee pitchers are a known commodity that will be solid while the Rangers could be terrific or terrifically horrible. For the hitters, former Rangers ARod and Texeira lead the Yankees. The Yankees have outscored the Rangers (859-787) this season. The Rangers counter with Josh “I have been Reborn with Ginger Ale” Hamilton. Nelson Cruz has been clutch lately with a walk-off homer against the Yanks in September and hit four homeruns against the Rays. Let’s just say Cruz has been Appalachian State hot, hot, hot.

Onions Says: The Rangers have a Jekyll and Hyde face last series with their ability to score more than 3 runs before the seventh in Games 1, 2, and 5 (all wins) and less than 2 in games 4 and 5 (losses). Cruz cannot do it all and even though he is healthy, Hamilton does not look like the MVP he was in the season. The Yankee bullpen will shut down the games. Look for the Yankees get off to a 2-1 lead after Game 3 and close it up before Cliff Lee can see the mound in Game 6 again. (I really do not want to hear about how Hamilton cannot be tempted by the vice of alcohol again.)

Bonus Question Time: What is larger: CC's Postseason ERA or the number of pinstripes on his jersey?

 

Philadelphia Phillies vs. San Francisco Giants

Chicks dig the long ball so expect this series to be a sausage-fest. Both teams have the best staffs left standing. Tim Lincecum, Matt Cain, and Jonathan Sanchez lead the Gigantes with Madison Bumgarner bringing up the rear. All three pitchers sport ERAs less than 3.50. Lincecum leads the staff with his 14K, 2 hit, shutout in Game 1 in one of the greatest postseason performances ever. This is only the second-best postseason outing by a pitcher this postseason because Doc Halladay decided to throw a no-hitter to kick off postseason baseball. Behind Halladay, Roy Oswalt and Cole Hamels (and Joe Blanton) lurk. Roy-O looks rejuvenated in the second half of the season going 7-1 with a 1.74 ERA after being traded from the Astros where he looked defeated from the perpetual lack of run support. Halladay, Roy-O, and Hamels shut down the best hitting NL team, the Reds, by holding them to 6 runs in 3 games. GM Ruben Amaro built the team for the postseason having 3 frontline aces for games 1, 2, 3, 5, 6, and 7 (Game 4 will be irrelevant as well as Games 6 and 7). It is going to be hard to hit against either staff but give the Phils the edge. On the batting side, the Phillies have the better edge. 33 year-old Aubrey Huff leads the Giants in batting this year after his post Rays wanderings from the Astros, Orioles, and the Tigers. The second best hitter has been ROOKIE Buster Posey. The Big Panda looks likes he has been eating too much. Even though, the Phillies’ hitters have not had the best season (batting only 3 percentage points better than the Giants .257 team average), there are more pieces to like. Ryan Howard is always a threat to hit being one of the premier hitters in the league. Utley and Rollins can always deliver. Neither team hits well but the Phillies have a better lineup. The Phillies replaced Pat Burrell and Aaron Rowand for a reason.

Onions Says: Pitching will dominate the series. Expect the bats to stay quiet but Ryan Howard will start hitting. Jayson Werth needs a fatter contract next year and the spotlight provides an opportunity to become the “Savior.” Brad Lidge closes out the games without a problem due to the lack of Pujols. The Phillies return to the World Series in 4 games. 

Haiku- Doc, Roy-O, Hamels/Pitching Wins All Championships/ Need I Say More, Eh?

DTF Athlete of the Month

Guess what is making an appearance a month after the last time you saw it? No, I'm not talking about the reason you get penicillin from your pharmacist (what happens in Cancun doesn't really stay in Cancun), I'm talking about the DTF Athlete of the Month Award! For those of you unsure why this award is handed out, check out this post for a brief description of the award and our first winner.

Wow. So many people to choose from this month.  Our eventual winner laid claim to this honor in early September, but several worthy challengers emerged during the month. I'll start out with the honorable mention before I give our winner the attention that he deserves.

2nd Runner-up
Karen F. Owen

I already know what you're going to say, "she's not an athlete" and "she shouldn't have her sex life examined in this forum". To which I reply, "Erroneous! Erroneous on both counts!" Owen's fake Duke senior thesis on "horizontal academics" demonstrates her willingness to take hook-ups from the casual to the absurd; in many ways, her profound commitment to jersey chasing is turning the endeavor into a sport. Now, I don't want to turn this site into a gossip rag (I do want to hold on to some kind of "journalistic integrity"), but I had to find out what Karen Owen looks like (that matters, doesn't it? I'm not a sexist pig for wondering what she looks like, right? Moving on). I was able to track down this picture; Ms. Owen is the brunette on the left (please don't keep all the jokes about the blonde on the right to yourself. I wanna hear them!)  I salute you Karen F. Owen (wonder what the "F." stands for...). Hopefully reports that you'll get a book or movie deal  are accurate because you are not really that employable right now.

1st Runner-up
Carlos Salcido

Salcido, a Mexican international and defender for Fulham in the English Premier League, is fighting allegations that he hooked up with a transvestite in a now infamous Mexican team party that resulted in the suspension of 13 players on the Mexican national team (I would want to party with team Mexico but Jose Cuervo and transvestites is not part of my usual recipe for a good night out). All but one of the suspended players were featured in Mexico's 2010 World Cup roster. Salcido's lady male lady-male friend claims that she pleasured him in a hotel bathroom (always classy) and alerted him a couple days after the encounter about her his her-his sexual identity. There's a picture of the transvestite in the first link. Was Salcido fooled or does he have the worst beer goggles of all-time?

Salcido, however, was not the most DTF player in the EPL this month. That honor goes to England international and Manchester United forward Wayne "Shrek" Rooney.



Rooney is the subject of recent tabloid fodder (what was that I said about not turning this site into a gossip rag...) ever since the revelations of his 1200 pounds a night fling with a prostitute was publicized (Rooney is currently married).This is not the first time Rooney has taken a prostitute to bed. When he was 19 (and unmarried) he admitted to hooking up with a 48 year-old grandmother nicknamed "Auld Slapper" at the relatively inexpensive rate of 45 pounds a night (they practiced division together and figured out that 19 can go into 48 many more times than 48 can go into 19).

In a perfect world, "Shrek's" current personal life should have replaced the alternative ending to Nike's "Just Roo It" commercial. Instead of seeing himself become an overweight groundskeeper as a result of losing the World Cup, Nike should have made the alternate ending for Rooney a future of his life examined by the tabloids and a seat on the Manchester bench because his club manager is too afraid to play him (this is currently the state of affairs for Rooney). Maybe then Rooney might have had a better World Cup showing (0 goals in 4 matches).

Rooney started out brutally unapologetic, like everyone's favorite Aussie party boy, but has since tried to clean things up with his wife and her family, even planning a "second honeymoon" with the Mrs. in a few weekends (Are you taking notes Tiger?). Congratulations to Wayne Rooney, our DTF Athlete of the Month for September!

Weekend Preview

This weekend features some great games in the English Premier League, College Football and the NFL (note: always the NFL, never the "NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE" like every annoying ESPN analyst who used to play says it). Here's the rundown:

Arsenal v. Chelsea
Sunday, 11:00 AM EST

We’re basically through 1/5 of the EPL season (matchweek 7 of 38) and this game will have important implications for the rest of the season. League leaders Chelsea return to their home stadium at Stamford Bridge eager to right the ship following their first defeat of the season last week against nouveau riche(st) Manchester City, (shoutout to ESPN's David Hirshey for coining the witty term "nouveau richest". I will be co-opting and using it in the foreseeable future). No, chicken little, the sky is not falling but after tallying 21 goals in 5 matches Chelsea should be concerned that they did not seriously trouble Man City at all last weekend in a 1-0 loss. And it’s not like Man City has an impenetrable back 4 as this Kolo Toure – Joe Hart blunder shows

Meanwhile, Arsenal looks to bring the noise  and pull within one point of Chelsea. Arsenal is nursing an unreal amount of injuries as captain Cesc Fabregas, speed merchant Theo Walcott and brainy defender Thomas Vermaelan are all likely to be out. All of these injuries are problematic for Arsenal, but the Vermaelan one has some humor in it. His unfortunate injury has forced (French) Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger to field an all-French back four of Bacary  Sagna, Laurent Koscielny, Sebastien Squillaci and Gael Clichy. The prospect of four French defenders protecting goal keeper Manuel Almunia is like Lindsay Lohan running a rehab facility: things are supposed to stay out but you'll know they'll get in somehow...

Will Chelsea re-stake a claim to wrapping up the EPL championship by Thanksgiving (and send Arsenal 7 points adrift at the same time)? Will Arsenal stop being a tease and make claims of bringing back their first trophy to the Emirates since 2005 a serious statement? Will I get serious and stop asking questions?

Philadelphia Eagles v. Washington Redskins
Sunday, 4:15 PM EST, Fox

Well, this is awkward. Recently deposed Eagles quarterback Donovan McNabb returns to the city that he helped lead to 4 consecutive NFC championship games and 1 Superbowl (where McNabb's nervousness in the clutch caused this to allegedly happened. Yes, I recycled that link. No, I don’t give a damn). For the first time in his career, McNabb will suit up in the visitor's locker room as a member of the Washington Redskins.

Meanwhile, on the Philadelphia sideline Kevin Kolb, McNabb’s heir apparent, is back to clipboard holding duty after 10 stellar quarters from none other than…

Michael Vick? The Vick experience is back and it’s not Michael Vick as his alter ego Ron Mexico; it’s video game Vick from Madden circa 2003 (What’s the deal with the pseudonym Ron Mexico? Was it because Mike Honcho was already taken?). Through two and a half games this year, Vick has compiled 750 passing yards and 6 TDs versus 0 INTs. Additionally he's run for 170 yards and another TD. Most impressive is Vick's completion percentage is at 61.5%, more than 10% higher than his career completion percentage of 51.4%.

The list of subplots in this game is long and distinguished, like my Johnson

• Will a great game by Donovan McNabb cause the heads of many Eagles faithful to explode after witnessing a result they advocated for years (getting rid of McNabb)  take place (Please God, let this happen. Eagles fans are the worse. Like these guys)
• Will Washington Redskins coach Mike Shanahan ask for the yardage gained to be measured by the tenth? (See the bottom of this post for insight into why I can't stand Shanahan)
• Will Michael Vick continue his unholy alliance with the devil and continue playing out of his cranium? I know I’m tired of asking questions so hopefully this game produces some answers. I'm excited to see this one play out

#9 Stanford versus #4 Oregon
Saturday, 8:00 PM EST, ESPN

This game is a harbinger of things to come for the rest of the college football season. First, no more Cupcake State on the schedule, real programs with real aspirations of a BCS bowl are going to be playing opponents from places you’ve heard of (no more playing “Duke” for you Alabama). Secondly, rivalry games and conference/regional games will dominate the schedule. The first Saturday in October is famous for the Red River Shoot between Texas and Oklahoma (Just broke my vow to pretend that Texas has stopped playing football this year until they stop losing to 21 point underdogs at HOME. FML) Additionally, the whole month of October is filled with equally appetizing rivalries such as Alabama - Florida, LSU - Arkansas and Florida State - Miami to name a few.

Oregon boasts some statistics that are truly laughable on paper. Last week, the Ducks entered their Pac-10 home opener against Arizona State with the #1 scoring offense AND #1 scoring defense in the conference. They did this by playing New Mexico (72-0) and Tennessee (48-13) and Portland state (69-0). That is the football equivalent of handing a smallpox laden blanket to a Native American in the 1600s…

Stanford might be better than we previously thought. Their head coach, Jim Harbaugh, told his team that "no one on the corner has swagga like us" and the Cardinal are playing like it. Stanford scores early and often like they're in a crack den with Amy Winehouse (what happened to her?). So far, they havesteamrolled through their schedule, most notably pounding UCLA 35-0 at UCLA. This is the same UCLA team that beat #7 Texas in Austin last weekend (Ugh. I just broke the “don’t mention Texas football pact” I made with myself again. One more time and I have to get a tattoo of Roseanne on my chest like Tom Arnold. Wait, he didn’t do that because he lost a dare? He was married to her? Damnnnnnn)

Expect the scoreboard to get blown and both teams to be doing it. Doing it allll night long...