World Cup Bid Preview

Tomorrow, the world will know who will host the World Cup in 2018 and 2022 after the journey to Brazil. 2018 will go to Europe and 2022 to either Asia or America. Here is a preview of what the bids offer.

World Cup Bid Preview

2018

Russia

Oil + Money + Putin

England

History + Life/Death Attitude to Football

Spain (Portugal)

Best Teams + Good Stadiums

BeNeLux

Too Many Countries Involved

2022

USA

Most Tickets Sold + Successful WC'94 + Infrastructure

Australia

Infrastructure + New Continent

Japan or South Korea

Too Soon

Qatar

New Location + Technology + OIL MONEY + Buying Zidane + UNDER THE TABLE MONEY

(Did I mention $$$$$$)

2018

It will probably be Russia v. England. Putin and Abramovich are power players and have the power (political and financial) to make this work.

2022

This bid can be decided by who is not bidding, China. If China wants 2026, this thing is a slamdunk to go to the USA, the host of the most successful WC. China brings in another large audience and massive potential revenue sources. If not, anything can happen. Probably should go to the US and probably Australia but Qatar can give FIFA what it wants, massive kickbacks.

Monday Night Football Rapid Reaction

11/15/10 - 7:59ET - RFK Stadium

The preceding image is a photo taken by The Special One for the November 15th Monday Night Football game that featured the Philadelphia Eagles and the Washington Seals (Ok, Redskins) at RFK Stadium in Washington, D.C.. Actually, this game didn't feature both teams. It really only featured the Eagles and Quarterback Michael Vick,  who bludgeoned the Redskins defense time and time again before time regulations mercilessly ended the game. The Eagles beat down the Redskins by a final score of 59 to 28. 

Honestly, the final score doesn't do justice to how dominant the Eagles were; this game was in doubt for literally 4 seconds. On the first play of the game, the Eagles used a play-action pass fake to free up wide receiver DeSean Jackson. Vick planted his feet at the Philadelphia 3 yard line and launched a pass to the streaking Jackson that the receiver hauled in on the Washington 34 before dancing his way into the end-zone (the ball was in flight for 63 yards! who does that?!?!)  But Vick wasn't done there, he would throw 1 more touchdown pass and run for a score en route to a perfect first quarter and a 28-0 Philadelphia lead. Perfect is an accurate assessment of Vick's first quarter by aesthetic and statistical measures. Vick would finish the first quarter 8 for 8 with 181 yards passing and 2 touchdowns for a perfect passer rating of 158.3 (he would finish the game with a 150.7 passer rating). Vick and the Eagles take their seal bludgeoning act back home to Philadelphia where they face the New York Giants next Sunday

The Return of the JMac...

Check out the following report that free agent QB JaMarcus Russell might be taking his talents  to South Beach! I wonder if he will have a one-hour "Decision" special to announce his arrival if Miami does in fact sign him to a contract...

Here's The Special One's rendering of JaMarcus in his new Miami look

Job Search - James Harrison

Pittsburgh Steelers linebacker James Harrison just can't catch a break. Harrison's pockets are $100,000 lighter after NFL Commisioner Roger Goodell changed the rules and fines for tackles deemed dangerous on the fly. And that $100,000 fine is just for 3 tackles! Obviously upset with the NFL's treatment, Harrison is thinking of retiring from Bloodsport Human Cockfighting Football. Well if Harrison has decided to retire, we at Gimme Some Onions! have a few possible career choices for Harrison to consider.

Human ICBM – Harrison has no problem with trying to make a wide receiver’s face explode. Put a jetpack on him and let him go right at those terrorists.

Any Position in Blackwater – Harrison is a perfect fit for this private military company. He believes all his actions are legal despite authority figures feeling differently.

Guide for General Zaroff's Hunting Safari - Harrison does not even need a gun or knife to go hunting. Just give the man a helmet and he will kill all the prey on the reserve.

Aztec War General - The Aztecs instituted a series of mutually agreed upon "Flower Wars" with their neighbors. The soul purpose of these wars was to capture enemies for civic rituals and sacrifices. If Harrison was from Central Mexico in the 1490s there is no way Spain colonizes the Americas and Harrison's image becomes standard for all depictions of Huitzilopochtli, the Aztec God of War. (Don't say you never learned nothing by visiting Gimme Some Onions!)

Security Guard at Your Local Mall – Shoplifters will never have a chance. Here's a recipe for real damage: An Ex-NFL linebacker, a regular schmuck, and the hard ground of the parking lot or mall floor. It's going down like a Nitti beat...

Replacement for Nigel de Jong – It was rumored that Manchester City midfielder Nigel de Jong could be suspended for a period for his tackle on Hatem Ben Arfa. Should Netherlands Coach Bert van Marwijk drops de Jong from the national team squad Harrison would be the perfect replacement. While Harrison focuses on the facial region of an opponent, de Jong goes straight for the legs. De Jong lives to break the bones in opponents’ legs. Harrison lives to injure other players. How could Harrison not be the perfect replacement for de Jong?

Professional Wrestler – Harrison does not even have to act. He is a natural at complaining that higher ups are keeping him down. He could ask Shawn Merriman or Brian Cushing for help at scoring some 'roids. This might be a match.
 

Michael Vick’s Dog Trainer - Oops, this position was recently eliminated.

DTF Athlete of the Month

It's that time again! Time for the one blog post that I consistently write, I'm gonna figure this whole blogging thing out even if I have to drop out of school. Well, maybe I won't take it that far, but I'm committed to seeing things through. No word on if those were the same exact words Jim Jackson said to each of the 12 NBA teams he played for in his 14 seasons.

But back to business and as usual, when business is the DTF Athlete of the Month, business is goooood. Here at Gimme Some Onions! you know that we appreciate DTF behavior at all stages of life which is why we're pleased to posthumously honor Mickey Mantle with the runner-up award for October.



Why honor 'the Mick' in 2010 for his behavior in the 1960s? That's easy, a new biography Mickey Mantle and the End of America’s Childhood, by Jane Leavy documents some of Mantle's well-known, but less well publicized DTF behavior during his playing career. (Check out the NY Times review of the biography here)

Some gems include:

• a 1983 encounter the biographer, Jane Leavy, had with Mantle at the Claridge Hotel in Atlantic City where "Mantle greeted Leavy almost immediately with a crude anatomical reference (“That was the end of the world as I knew it,” [Leavy] said), and at 2 the next morning in the casino bar, his hand moved up her knee"
• Mantle's 1969 retirement ceremony where he brought his wife AND mistress
• This classic quote: "If I'd known I was gonna live this long, I'd have taken a lot better care of myself."
• And having a room at the Betty Ford Clinic named after him because of his repeated trips to rehab. (Actually, that last one isn't true, but someone needs to call up the Betty Ford Clinic and work this out. Little known fact, Mantle popularized the line "they try to make me go to rehab and I say no, no, no...)

Sounds like Mantle was ahead of his time; I'm happy that I can be here with his biographer Jane Leavy to finally give him the recognition he deserves.

(Quick aside to the savvy (read: AMC groupie) readers that is thinking to themselves "hey, Mantle's behavior isn't radically different from ALL men in the 1960s" and start talking about Mad Men and Don Draper. My response to these readers? Tell them that they need too wash they ass)

And now for the DTF Athlete of the Month for October: Brian Wilson, closer, San Francisco Giants




Brian Wilson first showed up on the Onions! radar after an interview with Fox Sports anchor Chris Rose. Halfway through the interview, a man dressed up in traditional S&M fetishwear and a mask walks in the background of Wilson's home. Chris Rose CANNOT come to terms with this scene. It's like someone took his mom. Mrs. Rose, on a nice seafood dinner and NEVER called her again!

A little research (ok, so I just used Google and Wikipedia, don't try to act like you don't do the same when you "research" something) and I found out that the masked figure in the background known as "The Machine" is from the 1999 film 8mm. Wilson must have some connected with this film because he wasn't done introducing the country to "The Machine". In this Jim Rome interview, Wilson brings "The Machine's" mask on live television. Watch the whole interview when you get a chance. Whatever Brian Wilson is on, I wanna try...

I'm sure that winning the DTF athlete of the Month for October easily trumps what Wilson and the rest of the San Francisco Giants did for the 1st time in 56 years (and the first time since they moved to the city of San Francisco): win this little thing called the "World Series"

Great NBA Commercials

Looks like the NBA is gonna get the same treatment I gave the College Football season. That is, I won't be writing a season preview until after the season started because the season started...last week. My bad... though in my defense, there are only 4 teams that have a real shot of winning the title anyway (Los Angeles Lakers, Boston Celtics, Orlando Magic and let's not forget the team that is home to the reigning two-time MVP, the Cleveland Cavaliers...ummm, I meant the Miami Heat) so I'll get to them in due time.

At any rate, I love the NBA because of great league concept commercials like "where amazing happens" (remember these?) but more importantly the return of shoe commercials. The evolution in shoe commercials (mostly because uber-brand Nike doesn't have to sell merchandise, they sell concepts, like "cool") means the entertainment value of these commercials is through the roof. Adidas has brought in Ken Jeong from The Hangover fame to co-star with their signature athletes Dwight Howard and Derrick Rose in their "Fast Don't Lie" series. This commercial is the best of the bunch. I gotta get Derrick Rose's shoes so I can "get freaky fast too" (Do the shoes come with the lady pyramid? That's a real question by the way...)

Even the most marginal of shoe companies are getting in on the act. Converse, which hasn't been a relevant sneaker company (this is not to speak ill of the classic Chuck Taylor's) since Nixon was being a tricky Dick in the White House,  got Dr. J to make a guest spot in their newest commercial. (Jim Jones also makes a cameo, though he doesn't do any ballin')

Hell, even SKECHERS brought back the immortal Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and Karl Malone to talk some nonsense about making a possible NBA come back because they are using the Skechers shape-up. I don't know what made Skechers think they should start selling basketball-related shoes or use Abdul-Jabbar and Malone (who were in their prime in the late 70s and late 90s; respectively) to sell shoes to the kids today. But hey, what do I know?

Also, I gotta give credit to LeBron and Nike for the best ad of this early NBA season. I don't wanna go over the Lebron "Decision" drama in great detail

That Nike/LeBron commercial takes everything that was ridiculous about LeBron's summer 1. the poor handling of "The Decision" 2. Charles Barkley (and other notable personalities in the media as well as former legends) going innnn on LeBron for leaving Cleveland 3. the fact that LeBron can't stop listening to his friends ("because they're my friends") 4. Cleveland owner Dan Gilbert and Cavaliers fans acting like the last 7 years weren't the pinnacle of Cavalier basketball (possibly Cleveland sports, with all due respect to the great Jim Brown...).

The most important feature of the commercial was the challenge (taunt even) by LeBron to supporters and detractors alike: "What should I do? Should I be who you want me to be?" When it comes down to it, that's the most overlooked part of about LeBron being on the Miami Heat. LeBron made a decision (execution of said decision aside) that represented what he was about and what he wanted to do with his life. As I listened to the last few lines of the commercial, I couldn't help but think that LeBron was echoing Drake in "Up All Night" ("f**k what they be talking about, they opinion doesn't count, we the only thing that matters") and that's essentially where we stand now. LeBron has simultaneously owned up to his past failings, reminded us that he is still capable of greatness and let us know who's opinion really matters. Of course, it's just a 92 second Nike commercial meant to sell shoes, I could be reading too much into this...

Weekend Onions!

Ok, this is just unacceptable. THREE weeks without "Weekend Onions!"? All I can say for myself is, like Mark McGuire, I'm not here to talk about the past.

Moving on, two weekends ago, the "Mangenius", Cleveland Brown's head coach Eric Mangini, decided to break into the weekend onions report with a delicious fake punt.

Let's set the stage for the Mangenius' trickeration:

• Leading the New Orleans Saints 10-3 in the 2nd quarter, the Browns are facing a 4th and 6  pinned back on their OWN 23
• With only 5:32 left in the half, the conventional wisdom says kick the punt and play defense
• The Mangenius bucks conventional wisdom and goes for the final move to complete the road upset: a huge play on special teams
• The end result: this 68-yard run by the punter Reggie Hodges right down Main Street to the New Orleans 9

The ensuing drive only resulted in a field goal  for the Browns (and a 13-3) lead, but the Browns showed their intentions and eventually won 30-17. No, we're not gonna go drop the Browns off at the Super Bowl, but congratulations to the Mangenius and the Browns for an Onions! play call

Also, I would be remiss if I did not mention the Onions! decision by LSU head coach Les Miles a few weekends ago (October 9th 2010) against the Florida Gators.

Not too long ago, Disney remade Alice in Wonderland (I didn't watch it, so I'm gonna exercise this thing I'm learning about called "self-restraint" and keep all opinions of this movie to myself). I only bring this superb demonstration of cinematic brilliance (tongue firmly in cheek) because of the character the Mad Hatter. I don't know why the executives at Disney sent out a casting call for the Mad Hatter. The real life Mad Hatter resides in Baton Rouge, Louisiana and "coaches" the Louisiana State University Tigers. I use the term "coaches" loosely here because what Miles does on the sideline is closer to letting a drunk fratstar in Las Vegas with his dad's black card than the contemplative, rationale exercise I presume coaching to be.

I'll set the stage for the Mad Hatter's return to glory

• 35 seconds left in the game and LSU trails by 3 points 
• The Tigers face a 4th and 3 from the Florida 35 yard line and need a 53 yard field goal to send the game into overtime
• Field goal kicker Josh Jasper needs to nail this kick, a career long in distance if it happens
• Les Miles has better ideas than leaving this game in the hands (er, feet) of a kicker and reaches into his bag of crazy and produces this magic

Let the record note that the ball BOUNCED on the NO-LOOK heave over the shoulder by the holder before the kicker picked it up (noted). Les Miles knows Onions! A few years ago we did an x-ray of Les Miles and found this:



No wonder this guy is a favorite here at Gimme Some Onions!

(Ok, so we didn't actually do this x-ray, it was made by LSUfreek for one of our favorite blogs "Every Day Should Be Saturday". Original post from EDSBS can be found here)

Also, this isn't the first time that Miles has called this particular fake field goal. Against South Carolina in 2007, Miles dialed up this play call and things ran more smoothly. The kicker received the no-look toss perfectly and ran into the end-zone untouched. Check it out here. To paraphrase one of my favorite lines in Forrest Gump, "Crazy is as crazy does"

League Championship Preview

We have our first contributing post here at Gimme Some Onions! An appetizing preview of the National League and American League Championship Series was written up by our favorite resident USC homer. After a 162 game season, Major League Baseball is finally playing some games that matter. Check out this article and know who to follow:

New York Yankees vs. Texas Rangers

Both teams come into the series with question marks in their pitching staff. The Yanks are led by CC and then have Phil Hughes, Andy Pettitte, and AJ Burnett. Not the murderers row of pitchers they have had in previous years but similar to the one that worked to win the World Series last year. The Rangers counter using CJ Wilson, Colby Lewis, Cliff Lee, and Tommy Hunter. Lee is the obvious anchor in this young staff. Using Lee for Game 5 against the Rays sets him back to start Game 3. The Rangers pitching do not go far into the games and eat into the bullpen too much. While the Yankee pitching has been inconsistent throughout the year, the Rangers’ staff has a lower ERA but lacks experience in the postseason. The postseason changes players and the Yankee pitchers are a known commodity that will be solid while the Rangers could be terrific or terrifically horrible. For the hitters, former Rangers ARod and Texeira lead the Yankees. The Yankees have outscored the Rangers (859-787) this season. The Rangers counter with Josh “I have been Reborn with Ginger Ale” Hamilton. Nelson Cruz has been clutch lately with a walk-off homer against the Yanks in September and hit four homeruns against the Rays. Let’s just say Cruz has been Appalachian State hot, hot, hot.

Onions Says: The Rangers have a Jekyll and Hyde face last series with their ability to score more than 3 runs before the seventh in Games 1, 2, and 5 (all wins) and less than 2 in games 4 and 5 (losses). Cruz cannot do it all and even though he is healthy, Hamilton does not look like the MVP he was in the season. The Yankee bullpen will shut down the games. Look for the Yankees get off to a 2-1 lead after Game 3 and close it up before Cliff Lee can see the mound in Game 6 again. (I really do not want to hear about how Hamilton cannot be tempted by the vice of alcohol again.)

Bonus Question Time: What is larger: CC's Postseason ERA or the number of pinstripes on his jersey?

 

Philadelphia Phillies vs. San Francisco Giants

Chicks dig the long ball so expect this series to be a sausage-fest. Both teams have the best staffs left standing. Tim Lincecum, Matt Cain, and Jonathan Sanchez lead the Gigantes with Madison Bumgarner bringing up the rear. All three pitchers sport ERAs less than 3.50. Lincecum leads the staff with his 14K, 2 hit, shutout in Game 1 in one of the greatest postseason performances ever. This is only the second-best postseason outing by a pitcher this postseason because Doc Halladay decided to throw a no-hitter to kick off postseason baseball. Behind Halladay, Roy Oswalt and Cole Hamels (and Joe Blanton) lurk. Roy-O looks rejuvenated in the second half of the season going 7-1 with a 1.74 ERA after being traded from the Astros where he looked defeated from the perpetual lack of run support. Halladay, Roy-O, and Hamels shut down the best hitting NL team, the Reds, by holding them to 6 runs in 3 games. GM Ruben Amaro built the team for the postseason having 3 frontline aces for games 1, 2, 3, 5, 6, and 7 (Game 4 will be irrelevant as well as Games 6 and 7). It is going to be hard to hit against either staff but give the Phils the edge. On the batting side, the Phillies have the better edge. 33 year-old Aubrey Huff leads the Giants in batting this year after his post Rays wanderings from the Astros, Orioles, and the Tigers. The second best hitter has been ROOKIE Buster Posey. The Big Panda looks likes he has been eating too much. Even though, the Phillies’ hitters have not had the best season (batting only 3 percentage points better than the Giants .257 team average), there are more pieces to like. Ryan Howard is always a threat to hit being one of the premier hitters in the league. Utley and Rollins can always deliver. Neither team hits well but the Phillies have a better lineup. The Phillies replaced Pat Burrell and Aaron Rowand for a reason.

Onions Says: Pitching will dominate the series. Expect the bats to stay quiet but Ryan Howard will start hitting. Jayson Werth needs a fatter contract next year and the spotlight provides an opportunity to become the “Savior.” Brad Lidge closes out the games without a problem due to the lack of Pujols. The Phillies return to the World Series in 4 games. 

Haiku- Doc, Roy-O, Hamels/Pitching Wins All Championships/ Need I Say More, Eh?

DTF Athlete of the Month

Guess what is making an appearance a month after the last time you saw it? No, I'm not talking about the reason you get penicillin from your pharmacist (what happens in Cancun doesn't really stay in Cancun), I'm talking about the DTF Athlete of the Month Award! For those of you unsure why this award is handed out, check out this post for a brief description of the award and our first winner.

Wow. So many people to choose from this month.  Our eventual winner laid claim to this honor in early September, but several worthy challengers emerged during the month. I'll start out with the honorable mention before I give our winner the attention that he deserves.

2nd Runner-up
Karen F. Owen

I already know what you're going to say, "she's not an athlete" and "she shouldn't have her sex life examined in this forum". To which I reply, "Erroneous! Erroneous on both counts!" Owen's fake Duke senior thesis on "horizontal academics" demonstrates her willingness to take hook-ups from the casual to the absurd; in many ways, her profound commitment to jersey chasing is turning the endeavor into a sport. Now, I don't want to turn this site into a gossip rag (I do want to hold on to some kind of "journalistic integrity"), but I had to find out what Karen Owen looks like (that matters, doesn't it? I'm not a sexist pig for wondering what she looks like, right? Moving on). I was able to track down this picture; Ms. Owen is the brunette on the left (please don't keep all the jokes about the blonde on the right to yourself. I wanna hear them!)  I salute you Karen F. Owen (wonder what the "F." stands for...). Hopefully reports that you'll get a book or movie deal  are accurate because you are not really that employable right now.

1st Runner-up
Carlos Salcido

Salcido, a Mexican international and defender for Fulham in the English Premier League, is fighting allegations that he hooked up with a transvestite in a now infamous Mexican team party that resulted in the suspension of 13 players on the Mexican national team (I would want to party with team Mexico but Jose Cuervo and transvestites is not part of my usual recipe for a good night out). All but one of the suspended players were featured in Mexico's 2010 World Cup roster. Salcido's lady male lady-male friend claims that she pleasured him in a hotel bathroom (always classy) and alerted him a couple days after the encounter about her his her-his sexual identity. There's a picture of the transvestite in the first link. Was Salcido fooled or does he have the worst beer goggles of all-time?

Salcido, however, was not the most DTF player in the EPL this month. That honor goes to England international and Manchester United forward Wayne "Shrek" Rooney.



Rooney is the subject of recent tabloid fodder (what was that I said about not turning this site into a gossip rag...) ever since the revelations of his 1200 pounds a night fling with a prostitute was publicized (Rooney is currently married).This is not the first time Rooney has taken a prostitute to bed. When he was 19 (and unmarried) he admitted to hooking up with a 48 year-old grandmother nicknamed "Auld Slapper" at the relatively inexpensive rate of 45 pounds a night (they practiced division together and figured out that 19 can go into 48 many more times than 48 can go into 19).

In a perfect world, "Shrek's" current personal life should have replaced the alternative ending to Nike's "Just Roo It" commercial. Instead of seeing himself become an overweight groundskeeper as a result of losing the World Cup, Nike should have made the alternate ending for Rooney a future of his life examined by the tabloids and a seat on the Manchester bench because his club manager is too afraid to play him (this is currently the state of affairs for Rooney). Maybe then Rooney might have had a better World Cup showing (0 goals in 4 matches).

Rooney started out brutally unapologetic, like everyone's favorite Aussie party boy, but has since tried to clean things up with his wife and her family, even planning a "second honeymoon" with the Mrs. in a few weekends (Are you taking notes Tiger?). Congratulations to Wayne Rooney, our DTF Athlete of the Month for September!

Weekend Preview

This weekend features some great games in the English Premier League, College Football and the NFL (note: always the NFL, never the "NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE" like every annoying ESPN analyst who used to play says it). Here's the rundown:

Arsenal v. Chelsea
Sunday, 11:00 AM EST

We’re basically through 1/5 of the EPL season (matchweek 7 of 38) and this game will have important implications for the rest of the season. League leaders Chelsea return to their home stadium at Stamford Bridge eager to right the ship following their first defeat of the season last week against nouveau riche(st) Manchester City, (shoutout to ESPN's David Hirshey for coining the witty term "nouveau richest". I will be co-opting and using it in the foreseeable future). No, chicken little, the sky is not falling but after tallying 21 goals in 5 matches Chelsea should be concerned that they did not seriously trouble Man City at all last weekend in a 1-0 loss. And it’s not like Man City has an impenetrable back 4 as this Kolo Toure – Joe Hart blunder shows

Meanwhile, Arsenal looks to bring the noise  and pull within one point of Chelsea. Arsenal is nursing an unreal amount of injuries as captain Cesc Fabregas, speed merchant Theo Walcott and brainy defender Thomas Vermaelan are all likely to be out. All of these injuries are problematic for Arsenal, but the Vermaelan one has some humor in it. His unfortunate injury has forced (French) Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger to field an all-French back four of Bacary  Sagna, Laurent Koscielny, Sebastien Squillaci and Gael Clichy. The prospect of four French defenders protecting goal keeper Manuel Almunia is like Lindsay Lohan running a rehab facility: things are supposed to stay out but you'll know they'll get in somehow...

Will Chelsea re-stake a claim to wrapping up the EPL championship by Thanksgiving (and send Arsenal 7 points adrift at the same time)? Will Arsenal stop being a tease and make claims of bringing back their first trophy to the Emirates since 2005 a serious statement? Will I get serious and stop asking questions?

Philadelphia Eagles v. Washington Redskins
Sunday, 4:15 PM EST, Fox

Well, this is awkward. Recently deposed Eagles quarterback Donovan McNabb returns to the city that he helped lead to 4 consecutive NFC championship games and 1 Superbowl (where McNabb's nervousness in the clutch caused this to allegedly happened. Yes, I recycled that link. No, I don’t give a damn). For the first time in his career, McNabb will suit up in the visitor's locker room as a member of the Washington Redskins.

Meanwhile, on the Philadelphia sideline Kevin Kolb, McNabb’s heir apparent, is back to clipboard holding duty after 10 stellar quarters from none other than…

Michael Vick? The Vick experience is back and it’s not Michael Vick as his alter ego Ron Mexico; it’s video game Vick from Madden circa 2003 (What’s the deal with the pseudonym Ron Mexico? Was it because Mike Honcho was already taken?). Through two and a half games this year, Vick has compiled 750 passing yards and 6 TDs versus 0 INTs. Additionally he's run for 170 yards and another TD. Most impressive is Vick's completion percentage is at 61.5%, more than 10% higher than his career completion percentage of 51.4%.

The list of subplots in this game is long and distinguished, like my Johnson

• Will a great game by Donovan McNabb cause the heads of many Eagles faithful to explode after witnessing a result they advocated for years (getting rid of McNabb)  take place (Please God, let this happen. Eagles fans are the worse. Like these guys)
• Will Washington Redskins coach Mike Shanahan ask for the yardage gained to be measured by the tenth? (See the bottom of this post for insight into why I can't stand Shanahan)
• Will Michael Vick continue his unholy alliance with the devil and continue playing out of his cranium? I know I’m tired of asking questions so hopefully this game produces some answers. I'm excited to see this one play out

#9 Stanford versus #4 Oregon
Saturday, 8:00 PM EST, ESPN

This game is a harbinger of things to come for the rest of the college football season. First, no more Cupcake State on the schedule, real programs with real aspirations of a BCS bowl are going to be playing opponents from places you’ve heard of (no more playing “Duke” for you Alabama). Secondly, rivalry games and conference/regional games will dominate the schedule. The first Saturday in October is famous for the Red River Shoot between Texas and Oklahoma (Just broke my vow to pretend that Texas has stopped playing football this year until they stop losing to 21 point underdogs at HOME. FML) Additionally, the whole month of October is filled with equally appetizing rivalries such as Alabama - Florida, LSU - Arkansas and Florida State - Miami to name a few.

Oregon boasts some statistics that are truly laughable on paper. Last week, the Ducks entered their Pac-10 home opener against Arizona State with the #1 scoring offense AND #1 scoring defense in the conference. They did this by playing New Mexico (72-0) and Tennessee (48-13) and Portland state (69-0). That is the football equivalent of handing a smallpox laden blanket to a Native American in the 1600s…

Stanford might be better than we previously thought. Their head coach, Jim Harbaugh, told his team that "no one on the corner has swagga like us" and the Cardinal are playing like it. Stanford scores early and often like they're in a crack den with Amy Winehouse (what happened to her?). So far, they havesteamrolled through their schedule, most notably pounding UCLA 35-0 at UCLA. This is the same UCLA team that beat #7 Texas in Austin last weekend (Ugh. I just broke the “don’t mention Texas football pact” I made with myself again. One more time and I have to get a tattoo of Roseanne on my chest like Tom Arnold. Wait, he didn’t do that because he lost a dare? He was married to her? Damnnnnnn)

Expect the scoreboard to get blown and both teams to be doing it. Doing it allll night long...